Thanks to Steve Gill for posting a link to Evil Overlord, Inc. My favorites are listed below. For a few moments of escape from the cares of the world, drop by and check out the rest of the top 100. Don’t forget to check out Cellblocks A & B for 150 more ideas.
For you trekkies out there, click on The Parody Home Page. It answers the question “How many members of the crew of (fill in the appropriate name of a Federation ship) does it take to change a light bulb?” by presenting a 1 act play featuring excellent representations of each crew member.
With that said - Enter the Evil Overlord …
Being an Evil Overlord seems to be a good career choice. It pays well, there are all sorts of perks and you can set your own hours. However every Evil Overlord I’ve read about in books or seen in movies invariably gets overthrown and destroyed in the end. I’ve noticed that no matter whether they are barbarian lords, deranged wizards, mad scientists or alien invaders, they always seem to make the same basic mistakes every single time. With that in mind, allow me to present…
The Top 100 Things I’d Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord
My Top 10 are:
#24 - I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line “No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!” (After that, death is usually instantaneous)
#26 - No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.
#40 - I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable super weapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.
#46 - If an advisor says to me, “My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?”, I will reply, “This.”, and kill the advisor.
#55 - The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.
#56 - My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.
#71 - If I decide to test a lieutenant’s loyalty and see if he/she should be made a trusted lieutenant, I will have a crack squad of marksmen standing by in case the answer is no.
#82 - I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerous, unbalanced structure.
#89 - After I capture the hero’s super weapon, I will not immediately disband my legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him.
and,
#91 - I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important.
Grinning from ear to ear and plotting my own evil schemes to take over the world …
BCM
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