Blue Collar Muse

On the Right Wing of What’s Left of the Middle Class …   


22 May 2007

8 Reasons Women Should be Banned from Blogging …

It had to happen sooner or later - I’m being coerced into doing a meme.

For all you guys out there, I know - the last thing they taught us in ‘Conservative Guy Blogging 101′ was:

Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should you EVER do memes, Friday Funnies, Thursday 13s, cutsie, arts-fartsy sounding, self revelatory, feelings revealing or ANY other form of get-in-touch-with-your-feminine-side post. Not only are such posts proven to lower your testosterone levels, decrease the property value of your home AND the value of your portfolio but there is a clear link between such posts and erectile dysfunction - consider Bob Dole for goodness sakes!

Should you be ever be tempted to violate this prohibition, failing to consider what it will do to your standing among CMBWD (Conservative Male Bloggers for World Dominance) and failing to remember its impact on the general social order, please call your instructor requesting emergency deprogramming. When your contact answers, you’ll likely be under too much stress to be coherent so all you need do is give the code for your situation. Simply call out, “2319! 2319!” and an EGPRTT (Emergency Girly Post Response Trauma Team) will be dispatched.

I tried to call but got a recording that my instructor himself had succumbed to this ubiquitous, feminizing menace. He survived his brush with his feminine side and is said to be in stable condition thanks solely to a quick thinking male passerby and massive testosterone replacement therapy.

I’m alone … down to my last bullet. My will to live overpowers my shame at what I cannot do to myself and what I am about to do to the cause. Don’t hate me because I’m weak … remember that you, too, could become me under the right circumstances. CMBWDers … I’m sorry …

I … cannot … resist … any … longer … I … must … meme … May god have mercy on my soul …

My new internet friend Debbie, over at Right Truth, tagged me with this … **sigh**

It’s a meme, but it’s a good way to learn about fellow bloggers deep, dark secrets…

The Rules: Players start with 8 random facts about themselves. Those who are tagged should post these rules and their 8 random facts. Players should tag eight other people and notify them that they have been tagged.

1) At age 50, I am the oldest person in my family and have been for almost 15 years. All my parents and grandparents are gone. Fortunately, my in-laws are the coolest …

2) My beautiful wife, M’Lady K, is 11 years younger than me. We have endless fun teasing our kids with this. Pointing out a 7 year old at the mall to my 18 year old son and noting that when I was his age his mother was that old never fails to produce both satisfying and interesting responses.

3) We have 5 wonderful kids -boy, girl, girl, girl, boy. When pregnant we never knew what sex the child would be until they arrived. For reasons which are yet unclear to me, it was VERY important to me to have a boy first. When my mother-in-law (in a couple of her RARE uncool moments) suggested I’d be happy with a healthy girl I opined that I’d rather have a boy with 9 fingers and 8 toes.

4) Our oldest was born at the hospital via C-section. #2 was at the hospital with an epidural. #3 was at the hospital with no drugs. #s 4 and 5 were born at home with the services of a midwife. #4 in the middle of my bed and #5 in the middle of the living room floor. The funniest part was ordering pizza RIGHT after #5 was born and when the delivery guy got there telling him we were celebrating a recent birth, **pointing** right over there, and watching his reaction.

Random aside - NEVER mess with M’Lady K - she is more of a man than I will ever be …

5) While I REALLY like being self employed, my education and degrees were in preparation for ministry. I have a BA in Religion/Philosophy and half completed an MDiv program (Master of Divinity) at a world famous seminary in Southern California.

6) I drive a BIG Ford F-250 for work and pull a loaded trailer around most of the day. At just 11 MPG, I currently spend $6,000 to $7,000 per year just for fuel and they tell me that’s going to get worse. Since I hate the cold, I’m happy to do my part for man made Global Warming. Even now I’m trying to figure out how to attach aerosol cans to the roof of my truck with auto-sprayers to increase my contribution even further. No need to thank me … it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make for all of us …

7) I voted for Jimmy Carter … mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa … I take complete and personal responsibility for outing the Bush Administration as the ‘…worst in history!’ May God have mercy on my soul …

8) Despite all my earlier blathering about this meme, it was sorta fun. That does NOT, however, mean that I’ll be doing another one anytime soon … a man can only take so much humiliation before cracking under the pressure and, as I’m required by law to remind you, I support the 2nd Ammendment!

On to the poor unfortunates I’ve chosen to tag using my evil, Haliburtonesque influence to subtly undermine their reason and cause them to do my bidding … BWAHAHAHAHAHA … the power!!!!

1 -James Whittington over at (oddly enough) James Whittington
2 - Sam Pierce at Conservative Common Man
3 - Steve - the Big Idea Guy at Target Rich Environment

OK - those are the only 3 people that I think I have a SNOWball’s chance of getting to do this. The rest are just a sort of wish list … I don’t even know if they READ my blog. Thus, any punitive measures for lack of participation should be directed at them. Remember, we’re all consenting Conservative adults here and individual, personal responsibility is a hallmark of our ideology …

4 - ALa over at Blonde Sagacity
5 - Eric over at Hegemonic Pundit
6 - Karl over at Leaning Straight Up
7 - Eric over at Eric Odom’s Blog How about that one post a week thing, pal …
8 - Hillary over at Hillary for President Hey … she might get elected ya’ know and it never hurts to suck up a little to hedge one’s bets …

Thanks in advance to all who participate … pardon me while I go be ill …

Thinking I’ll NEVER live this down …

Blue Collar Muse

Trackposted to Perri Nelson’s Website, Blog @ MoreWhat.com, A Blog For All, The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns, stikNstein… has no mercy, Adam’s Blog, Blue Star Chronicles, Planck’s Constant, Cao’s Blog, The Bullwinkle Blog, Colloquium, The Florida Masochist, Conservative Cat, Right Voices, and Gone Hollywood, thanks to Linkfest Haven Deluxe.

Popularity: 18% [?]

11 Comments »

  1. BCM,
    As much as I hate to disappoint you, someone must have the courage to stop this madness.

    I wish you would have reached out to one of your male blogger friends before you succumbed to this emasculating psychosis, we could have done some emergency scratching, spitting and chest bumping to quickly bring you back to testosterone land before you humiliated yourself in cyberspace. You also forgot the cardinal rule of male self-debasement, never allow yourself to be humiliated by a woman you unless you are darn sure that it will lead to sex!!!

    The really scary thing about this is that if it could happen to you, what hope do the rest of us have?

    Maybe if you watched some Rambo movies or Andrew Dice Clay videos (in your underwear) you could begin to rebuild your damaged masculinity.

    Praying for your quick recovery,
    James

    Comment by James Whittington — May 23, 2007 @ 10:12 am

  2. You did a great job. Don’t listen to your male counterparts. This is good for you. Cathartic. Don’t you feel better?

    Just wait until you read James Whittington’s meme. He will enjoy it as much as you did. ha

    Comment by Debbie — May 23, 2007 @ 12:45 pm

  3. Oh man, I don’t know how to break it to you, but I think James Whittington did pretty well above in the previous comment. I’m “that guy” who hits “reply all” when someone re-sends the “Bill Gates will send you a check” email.

    I’m thinking as penance to the men’s guild, maybe you could put a big, fatty piece of steak on the grill tonight and eat it with no utensils, leave dishes in the kitchen for the next week without washing them, and drive without asking anyone for directions under any circumstances for the next year or so.

    Comment by Steve — May 23, 2007 @ 2:53 pm

  4. James -

    Thanks for the prayers - as you know, I’ll take all that I can get!

    As far as trying to contact someone - I tried to call you as I fought with my inner demons but your voice mail said something about going to aromatherapy with your bunny or something - lotta help you woulda been, Charlie!

    I’m feeling a bit better now. I still can’t believe I did that but it wasn’t “The horror! The horror!” I had always imagined (don’t tell Debbie).

    Perhaps next time you’ll take your responsibilities more seriously and BE there for me. That IS what you’ve always said, after all.

    In fact - since you weren’t there for me, it could be argued that this is all YOUR fault. That’s it … I tried as hard as I’ve tried anything in my life to avoid that post … but it was just too much for one man to resist. You could have been there but you were not.

    I hope you and your Fluffy Bunny enjoyed your aromatherapy …

    BCM

    Comment by Blue Collar Muse — May 23, 2007 @ 4:25 pm

  5. Debbie -

    Cathartic would not be my first choice … traumatic maybe, but not cathartic.

    Thanks for tagging me on this - it was kinda fun.

    Blessings,

    BCM

    Comment by Blue Collar Muse — May 23, 2007 @ 4:41 pm

  6. Steve -

    Ha! Big strong man YOU are! Can’t even tell us all 8 little things about yourself …

    You’re probably insecure in your masculinity and spend all day fondling your weapons collection to reassure yourself you’re still ‘Da Man!’

    Hehehehe … thanks for the advice, buddy! I likely won’t do it for the reasons you suggest but I’m going to refuse to ask for directions while driving with M’Lady K for a year and blame it on you.

    She’ll likely show up at your place soon wanting to talk about it. Just use your judgment as to the best way to proceed from there. My recommendation, though? Open up and discuss things … it’s less painful that way - especially physically. Don’t ask me how I know …

    Later,

    BCM

    Comment by Blue Collar Muse — May 23, 2007 @ 4:46 pm

  7. Man, i am glad Debbie knows I have no interest in this kind of thing! LOL!

    Welcome to the Coalition Against Illegal Immigration!

    Comment by Brian Bonner — May 23, 2007 @ 5:39 pm

  8. Dearest PCM (Pink Collar Muse),
    Now that you’re in touch with your feminine side I was hoping that you could answer a few questions for us “REAL” men.

    Do you now have the urge to talk incessantly about nothing?
    Are you now concerned about the size of your butt?
    Is it taking you hours to get dressed?
    Have you found yourself standing in front of a closet full of clothes crying because you have absolutely nothing to wear?
    Do spiders now terrify you?
    Have you been exfoliating?
    Are your man boobs now lifted and separated?
    Can you still fold a map?
    Can you now tell the difference between cream, ivory, and off white?
    Can you still open your own jars?
    Now when you go to the bathroom, do you have to take a support group with you?
    Have you asked someone: “So, notice anything different?”
    Have you found that you now get as much joy out of finding a “bargain” as you use to get from sex?
    Have you found that it is now impossible to keep a secret?
    Do you need a hug and some chocolate?
    Lastly, why are you reading this post when you should be cooking or ironing something?

    Comment by James Whittington — May 23, 2007 @ 7:27 pm

  9. Here you go… albeit under protest.

    See my 8 at

    The Buck Stops Here - I Don’t Know 8 Bloggers

    Comment by Sam Pierce — May 23, 2007 @ 8:53 pm

  10. Per the insecurity comment, I’d probably go with something a little bigger than a 4 or 5 inch pistol if that was an issue. :)

    BTW you addressed me as Eric on my blog. As noted before Steve or pseudonym BadIdeaGuy (not Big Idea Guy as listed here) works fine.

    Out of graciousness (I will not fwd anything) and as a result of something resembling what men refer to as a “dare”, here is a half-baked attempt at eight random facts about myself:

    1. I’ve climbed 54% of Colorado’s 100 highest peaks. I’m the laziest person to have done so.
    2. I’ve been a student at seven different colleges. I was asked not to come back to two of them.
    3. I once led an insurgency in a ghost town, declaring it a sovereign state until I became sober.
    4. I always spell things correctly. I’d pay $100 cash to anyone who finds a (non-purposeful for context) misspelling on my blog.

    Disclaimer: I certify these random facts to be true to the best of my ability. The writer of these facts cannot be held liable, nor accused of any violation of manhood per the men’s guild requirement that any questioning of another man’s manhood in dare format be answered in some form. Do not try anything stupid I’ve done as it is not likely to work for others.

    Comment by BadIdeaGuy — May 24, 2007 @ 8:33 pm

  11. […] Yours truly brings the humor to the table this week with my post ‘8 Reasons Women Should be Banned from Blogging!’ […]

    Pingback by ConservaBlogs.com » Conservablog Carnival - Week 21 — May 29, 2007 @ 6:15 pm

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