Conservative Common Man

It never ceases to amaze me how some singers, actors, and comedians believe they have the moral compass by which all common people are to be guided. Of course as bearers of the compass, they do not need to follow its needle… certainly guiding others and purchasing offsets is sufficient.

It is my understanding that Rosie O’Donnell has a problem with a commoner owning a firearm. It seems we average citizens couldn’t be trusted to responsibly own or carry a gun. She has deemed that the only celebrities such as herself require and indeed deserve protection from violent attacks. This do as I say, not as I do sense of self importance would explain the fact that her royal Rosieness has at least one armed bodyguard.

Sheryl Crow is crusading in three semis, four buses, and a few cars to save the Earth from carbon emissions and deforestation. Of course her traveling convoy could create a conundrum, or even give the appearance of hypocrisy. Never fear, not only is Ms. Crow doing her part to conserve by not eating on a regular basis, she has come up with a simple plan to save the trees and thus absorb the nasty carbon dioxide. This bold idea is not necessarily new… as a matter of fact it predates the invention of toilet paper! Okay, I exaggerated, it doesn’t go back to a time when no toilet paper was used. It does, however, involve wiping with only one square per sitting… unless of course she has all twelve Groelsch beers and all six local beers (apparently one of her touring demands) in one evening, then she may require the maximum limit of three squares the next morning.

“Hi, I’m Alec Baldwin. Like all parents I’m concerned about the health of children.” Something along those lines is the way his annoying radio commercial for the Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine’s web site kidsgethealthy.org begins. Apparently he cares about the well being of children… unless they forget to turn on their cellphones and cause humiliation to the down trodden parent who had to excuse himself from a dinner party to make a scheduled call! Of course he has been through so much these last six years and his split with Kim Basinger has been very contentious. Any compassionate person could understand this man calling his own eleven year old daughter a pig, right?

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