Apr 30 2007
Global Warming, Its Not Just For Earthlings Anymore!
Is Al “internet inventor” Gore hearing Marvin The Martian’s cries for help? This news may be the nudge Big Al needed to officially enter the race for the Democratic presidential nomination.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/article1720024.ece
Excerpt:
From The Sunday TimesApril 29, 2007
Climate change hits Mars
Mars is being hit by rapid climate change and it is happening so fast that the red planet could lose its southern ice cap, writes Jonathan Leake. Scientists from Nasa say that Mars has warmed by about 0.5C since the 1970s. This is similar to the warming experienced on Earth over approximately the same period.Since there is no known life on Mars it suggests rapid changes in planetary climates could be natural phenomena.
If man can have a God-like impact on the climate of Earth, why not attribute the apparent warming affecting Mars to we callous humans? Global warming is no longer limited to our globe. A liberal seeker of a sense of self-importance such as Al “the inspiration for A Love Story” Gore is sure to see the potential advantage of championing a cause that extends even beyond our atmosphere.
This man has heroically traveled the globe (polluting the air and promoting his movie) to deliver his message of impending doom. He has been ahead of any of the current demoncrat (not a spelling error) contenders when it comes to man’s destructive impact on our climate…and now the catastrophic effects global warming may be present on other planets. We could have a candidate whose mission is to save the universe! How does one top that?
All Al needs to do is come out with a statement in which he connects the following human atrocities to the calamity on Mars:
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Pollution from industry (big business)
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Pollution from transportation (cars, planes, trains, etc. are produced and sold by big business and often used in transacting big business)
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Carbon dioxide pollution from the annoying habit we humans have of exhaling (man being selfish, much like those involved in big business)
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Cow emissions (would PETA allow cattle to be fitted with plugs?)
This could be your crowning moment, Mr. Gore. You may even be able to sell yourself more offsets in the wake of this.
I read today the dreadful news that global warming is not only savaging our own darling Mother Earth, but also several planets, planetoids and moons within our solar system.
The casual observer might be inclined to speculate that an increase in the sun’s activity or solar irradiance might be a common thread linking all of these scorching astral events.
However, upon reflection, I realized that only dimwitted, “extra chromosome” Conservative Republicans might believe such a preposterous hypothesis and that the truth of the matter was actually so horrific that my mind refused to consider the evident reality.
The truth (and Dan Rather has proof that this information is being suppressed by FOX news) is that our vile, loathsome species is not only singularly responsible for global warming on our planet, but mankind is so despicably evil, so dreadfully malevolent, that our SUVs, air conditioners and Tex-Mex induced flatulence are destroying not just our beloved Big Blue Marble, but the entire feakin’ galaxy!
Oh God, if only we all had the courage to stick a Lugar in our mouths and end it all… drats, gun-control!
http://conservablogs.com/JamesWhittington/2007/03/12/boldly-going-where-no-man-has-gone-before/
That’s excellent! And you may have seen in The Sun that European governments have asked the EU to examine, “the livestock question in direct connection with global warming… The official EU declaration demands changes to animals’ diets, to capture gas emissions and recycle manure.”
So… why not Cowbung Offsets?