Dell: Thank you for contacting Dell Hardware Warranty Support, my name is Roderick. Please provide me the details about the issue you’re having?
Me: my laptop is really slow in everything it does and it freezes a lot. programs take forever to load and just today it won’t play dvds
Dell: I will try my best to resolve this for you. I really apologize for the issue you are having. I totally understand how frustrating this must be for you. Are you on that system now?
Me: yes
Dell: Lets try the following: Click on start, run type in MSCONFIG and click ok. Click on the startup tab; uncheck everything except things dealing with the virus protection and quickset.Then click apply.
Me: i’m sorry, what do you mean by “run type in MSCONFIG”? search for MSCONFIG?
Dell: Lets type run in the search box.
Me: ok, then type MSCONFIG in the run box?
Dell: Yes.
Me: I typed MSCONFIG… it’s just taking a while to come up
Me: it’s still not showing up…
Me: ok, here it is. so how do I know what is virus protection/quickset related?
Dell: What virus protection do you have on the system?
Me: McAfee
Dell: Is it listed? If not its okay.
Me: just the mcafee spamkiller
Dell: Leave that checked.
Me: and uncheck everything else? windows defender, synaptics pointing device driver, intel stuff?
Dell: Yes.
Me: what about microsoft windows operating system?
Dell: Leave that checked.
Me: and dell support?
Dell: Uncheck.
As far as I’m concerned, that about sums it up.
So, eventually I have to restart my computer.
Dell: Please do not restart your system until you see a prompt asking you to reboot. Just as a reminder, you will only have 30 minutes to take the necessary steps and Resume our session. Do you have any questions before I Suspend our session?
Me: I’ll resume within 30 minutes (assuming it doesn’t take my computer a year to restart)
…
Dell: WELCOME BACK!
Me: thanks, so it took about 15 minutes for my computer to restart. that’s on the list of things i’d like to have fixed
Dell: Is the system running slow?
ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME? IS THE SYSTEM RUNNING SLOW?
Anyway, as it turns out, I have to do PC restore… you know, the one that erases everything?
Oh, the joys of modern technology.
Edit: Continuing with the theme of modern technology expressing its love for me, the weird formatting is staying. It won’t leave. Whatever.
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Okay, I’m lost.
john’s last blog post..Monday’s Workout: Bigger, Badder, Better…
I don’t see any weird formatting?
I always do tech support over the phone. It’s sort of fun, like deciphering a code …. understanding broken English. I just keep saying, “Pardon? Pardon? Pardon? Huh? What? Spell it…”
Sunflower Desert’s last blog post..This is no joke
Spell it… Hah!
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As a proud and happy user of Linux Ubuntu, I would make the argument that your problem isn’t Dell… it’s Microsoft.
Eric — you’re speaking a foreign language. Sort of like tech support.
I’ve heard of Linux, but not Ubuntu. Spell it. 
Sunflower Desert’s last blog post..Happy Easter
Haha, just for resolution (in case anyone cares), my hard drive was faulty. We found this out after I couldn’t even do PC Restore because of some error. They made me run these hardware tests and my computer kind of exploded into pretty rainbows, flashing lights and high tech alarms. It was actually beautiful in a sad, expensive sort of way.
But all is well now! New hard drive and a happy Dell.
And Eric - I <3 Windows. Call me a creature of habit, but Linux sounds too smart for me and Apple is too trendy.