Politician Walking

October 18th, 2007

What do you do if you see a politician walking down the road with half a head?

Stop laughing and reload.

The Brass Rat

October 18th, 2007

A man walked into a curio store and was shopping around. After awhile, he chose a brass rat and brought it up to the counter.

“That will be $10 for the brass rat and $1,000 for the story behind it,” said the proprietor.

“Thanks, but I’ll just pay the $10 and pass on the story.” He purchased the brass rat and left the store. As he was walking down the street, he started noticing all sorts of rats following him. The further he walked, the more rats followed. He walked down to the wharf and still more rats came out and followed him. So, he decided to walk out into the water, all the rats drowned. He returned to the store shortly.

“Ah-ha!” said the proprietor. “You’ve come back for the story, right?”

“Nope,” said the man. “You have any brass politicians?”

A Lawyer and A Politician

October 18th, 2007

What do you get when you cross a corrupt lawyer with a crooked politician?

Chelsea Clinton.

Brain Teaser 2

October 12th, 2007

A man goes to a party, drinks some punch, and leaves early. Everyone else at the party who drinks the punch dies of poison. Why didn’t the man die?

More Useless Knowledge

October 12th, 2007

1. India has more universities than any other country.

2. The first and last time the Roadrunner spoke was in a 1951 cartoon called Operation: Rabbit.

3. A coffee tree yields about one pound of coffee in a year.

4. Until President Kennedy was killed, it wasn’t a federal crime to assassinate the President.

5. Time magazine’s “Man of the Year” in 1938 was Adolf Hitler.

6. Thomas Jefferson invented the coat hanger.

7. Los Angeles has more judges than in all of France.

8. The two most popular names for high school sports teams are the Eagles and Tigers.

9. There are no turkeys in Turkey.

10. The total number of concerts played by the Grateful Dead is 2,317.

Success With Women

October 12th, 2007

To succeed with women just tell her you’re impotent. She can’t wait to disprove it.

Marriage

October 12th, 2007

They say marriage is made in heaven, but so are thunder and lightning.

Never judge a man by the opinion his wife has of him.

Gore Purloins Peace Prize

October 12th, 2007

The madness speaks for itself. Excuse me while I go laugh at the absurdity of it all.

Franscois - “Do you know what kind of bomb it was?”
Clouseau - “The exploding kind.”

Believe Anything

October 3rd, 2007

How funny is this whole global warming thing? Imagine anyone believing that by changing your light bulb from incandescent to compact florescent the temperature of the oceans would change.

That means the magical power of this product rates up there with Harry Potter’s magic wand.

Mostly Useless Knowledge

October 1st, 2007

1. If you watch at least 2 prime-time comedies a week, you probably drive a foreign car.

2. A government study has determined that pigs can become alcoholics.

3. In 1941, a gallon of regular gas cost 19.2 cents.

4. The earth is .02 degrees hotter during a full moon.

5. C3PO is the first character to speak in Star Wars.

6. Pontius Pilate was born in Scotland.

7. Babe Ruth wore the No. 3 because he batted third.

8. Drivers kill more deer than hunters.

9. The #1 cause of depression in married people: being married. In unmarried people: being single.

10. The first meal eaten on the moon is 4 bacon squares and 3 sugar cookies.