Global Warming Killed The Loch Ness Monster? Say It Ain’t So!

February 14, 2008 | Filed Under Democrats/Leftists, Global Warming, Media Bias, News, Publius Contributor, Science, Society/Culture, Warner Todd Huston |

-By Warner Todd Huston

Well, now we’ve heard everything in connection with what global warming has “caused.” Now global warming is so vicious that it is responsible for killing mythological creatures. That mean, bad ol’ global warming bully! Someone should do something.

The Daily Record gives us the tale of veteran monster hunter Robert Rines who has been in search of Nessie for 37 years. The 85-year-old hunter — if 37 years without a catch makes one a “hunter” — says he’s giving up his search. While reporting that Mr. Rines is hanging up his fishin’ pole for good, the Daily Record slips in this interesting reason why Nessie has been so mysteriously out of view these last few years. What with sightings non-existent lately, Rines thinks he has the answer. (my emphasis)

Despite having hundreds of sonar contacts over the years, the trail has since gone cold and Rines believes that Nessie may be dead, a victim of global warming.

Of COURSE! Why didn’t we think of that? It isn’t that no one has seen Nessie because it doesn’t exist in the first place, it’s that global warming must’ve killed him.

Here’s a thought, maybe we can’t find Big Foot because global warming has made all his fur fall off? After all, Biggie could be hiding in plain site. With no fur, who’d be looking for a naked Big Foot? Maybe the unicorns died from global warming? Maybe the gargoyles, the Smurfs and all the jackalopes have gone belly up because of that darned global warming, too?

It’s a catastrophe in the land of mythological creatures, I’ll tell you what.

I just hope that the gryphons, wurms and elves are OK. Could someone check on them for me?

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Warner Todd Huston is a Chicago based freelance writer, has been writing opinion editorials and social criticism since early 2001 and is featured on many websites such as newsbusters.org, townhall.com, New Media Journal, Men’s News Daily and the New Media Alliance among many, many others. Additionally, he has been a frequent guest on talk-radio programs to discuss his opinion editorials and current events. He has also written for several history magazines and appears in the new book “Americans on Politics, Policy and Pop Culture” which can be purchased on amazon.com. He is also the owner and operator of publiusforum.com. Feel free to contact him with any comments or questions : EMAIL Warner Todd Huston