Who would have thunk it? Well, call me crazy, but I would have. I just have this insane expectation for mothers to use the brain that God gave them. As a disclaimer, I want to note that I really admire the one mother used as an example in this article for coming forward, hoping others might learn from her stupidity. Still, I think too many people in society are selfish and put their own desires for lust and companionship above the safety and well being of their children. That’s right, I think this problem boils down to selfishness and stupidity.
From ABC News:
Some Sexual Predators Troll Internet Dating Sites for Single Parents
Aug. 23, 2007 —
More than 20 million Americans log on to their computers each month looking for love, according to Online Dating Magazine.
While getting to know a potential mate from the privacy of their home may be comforting to some, especially single women getting back in the dating pool, it is not without danger. A growing number of sexual predators and pedophiles are taking advantage of online anonymity and using dating sites to prey on single mothers and their children.
One single mother, who asked that her identity be withheld to protect her daughter, had such an experience.
She met her future husband online and within in six months…, the couple were living together. Two years into the relationship they married.
“At the time, it just seemed magical,” she said. “It was the dream come true.”
Discovering the Truth
But FBI agents said they discovered the man’s true intentions when an undercover agent intercepted his e-mails during an online chat. “These e-mails indicated that he actually married the mother to have access to the child,” said FBI Special Agent Deborah McCarley.
Police said lonely women looking for companionship can be easy targets. In this case, the man took advantage of the mother’s vulnerability to get to her 6-year-old daughter.
“I think I was really looking for someone to rescue me, although I didn’t recognize it at the time,” the mother said.
The mother said she decided to speak out for the first time on “Good Morning America” to help other women.
Confronting the Allegations
The woman said she had no idea any abuse was taking place and saw no warning signs until the day the FBI knocked on her door.
“That day I felt like somebody stuck a straw in my ear and sucked out my brain,” she said. “It really just felt like I had been punched in the stomach.”
A tape obtained by “GMA” captured her anguish as she confronted her husband on the phone.
Mother: How could you do this to me?
Husband: How could I do it to anybody? I don’t know.
Mother: How could you do it to her?
Husband: I’m sorry. I have no answer.
Mother: I trusted you!
Husband: I know. You’re right.
Mother: I loved you with all my heart!
Husband: What I have done is evil and it’s wrong and there are going to be a lot of people that are going to hate me now. And I don’t blame any of them.
Not only did her now-former husband molest her daughter, but he also offered the girl to other pedophiles online. Authorities stepped in just in time.“I’d never say that I was going to kill myself, but there’s times where I wish that I would die,” the mother said.
Now, the couple have divorced. The ex-husband currently is serving 30 years in prison for his crimes, while his victim continues her health process.
“She’s awesome,” the mother said. “She’s doing so well. She’s got her sense of self-worth back, and I’m so proud of her.”
A Disturbing Trend?
This case is just one example of predators using dating sites to supplement their crimes.
After conducting online searches and talking to law enforcement officers around the nation, “GMA” uncovered cases of dangerous online dating situations all across the country.
The research found instances of sex offenders trolling Web sites and not mentioning their pasts, Internet romances that led to beatings and rapes and felons who never addressed their convictions in their dating profiles.
“Once they feel comfortable on that Internet, they feel like they’re shielded because they’re on that computer,” said Phoenix Police Department Sgt. Andy Hill.
True.com is the only major online dating site that runs background screenings on all of its members in order to keep criminals and married people off the site. This includes filing civil lawsuits against convicted felons and registered sex offenders who lie about their records.
“I’m out to get them and I’m serious as a heart attack,” said True.com CEO Herb Vest. “I will get them. I want them off our Web site.”
Celeste Moyers, the director of the Safer Online Dating Alliance, said that if someone wants to do harm, that person will find a way to do it.
No offense to Celeste, but really now, why help criminals out by not using common sense?
“People are caught off guard,” she said. “Even the smartest savviest online dater can be a victim of sexual assault.”
Protecting Yourself
States including New Jersey are considering legislation that will require dating sites to clearly disclose whether or not they conduct background screenings on members.
Even if you aren’t sure the site you use conducts criminal background checks, online dating doesn’t have to be off limits. Check out Safer Online Dating Alliance’s tips for protecting online daters.
Don’t use your personal e-mail address. Create a specific account just for dating. Don’t include information in this new address that would allow a predator to identify you.
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Sickening, but not surprising.
Exactly Neil.
It isn’t surprising and it is a very practical justification for Dr. Laura’s advice to single parents to not date until their youngest child is 18.
The selifish actions of the mothers reminds me of the selfish actions of some that find out they are pregnant and see it as an inconvenience.
Off subject, if you and your daughter want to join a Yahoo group dedicated to getting Duncan Hunter elected e-mail me and I’ll pass your e-mail to the moderator. Margaret Hunter (the younger Duncan Hunter’s wife is a member.)
conservativecommonman@yahoo.com
Hi Sam,
Good advice from Dr. Laura. Unfortunately, I think most of society is too selfish to take that advice. After all, who puts the well being of their children before their own personal interests anymore?
I’ll drop you an email because I’m interested in getting Hunter elected, as I’m sure Tieki is too. She happens to be having some commenting issues at her blog right now. If you want to comment over there, you can get it done by right clicking in the box and then typing your comment. Bizarre.
As the child of divorced parents, I’ll weigh in.
As I was raised by my dad, my mom never really had the problem of men dating her to get at us. Likewise, my dad, being heterosexual, wasn’t dating likely child molestors. Perhaps they are the exception to Dr. Laura’s advice.
I do know that my stepparents are great for both my parents and me. Very happy to have them in my life, but, at the same time, I got lucky. Little kids are remarkably perceptive; I do wish that parents would (without pressure) ask their child’s opinion of the person. “He gives me the creeps” or “She isn’t a nice lady” isn’t easy to hear, but it prevents a lot of these problems.
Now, to the meat of this: why does our hyper politically correct society NOT tell single moms that the greatest threat to their kids well-being is their significant others? You are NINE times as likely to be harmed in your own home as outside of it… if you wouldn’t let your kid walk home alone from school, why would you bring home a boyfriend? If you wouldn’t post pictures of your child on the internet, why would you advertise that you are a single mother online?
Now, online dating works for a lot of people, but single mothers should NOT date online until their children are grown. They are double targets: targets because they are women, and targets because their children are targets. People, use some sense!
Oh, yeah, a PS: if you got divorced once, maybe you ought to take a few YEARS to 1) figure out why your first marriage didn’t work (and if it’s him, figure out why you married such a loser); and 2) be indepedent enough so you can leave a guy, no matter how great, at the slightest sense of creepiness. Oh, yeah, and don’t forget that you are modeling behaviour for your children. Do you want your daughters to go through their dating life like you do?
GRRRRR>
Hi Bridget,
Excellent comment. I, too, came from a divorced home and my dad had custody of us. Therefore, the lady he married within a year of divorce turned out to be an additional mother for me. In my case, I don’t use the term stepmom, because I find it offensive. I was blessed (still am) to have 2 mothers. Yet, I thank God Tieki Rae only calls one lady mom — me.
Truthfully, a single mom doesn’t have to meet a guy online in order to expose her children to harm. I imagine it happened back in the day before the internet too, don’t you?
I just wish parents would act less selfish and put the well being of their children first.
Okay, I’m bushed from the day and need to get some sleep. I hope you have a wonderful week! I also hope I don’t wake up in the morning and find a bunch of typos in this comment.
Great post and excellent comments, in particular, Bridget! It is refreshing here that no one is surprised by the trend. Liberals think we are paranoid and can’t possibly enjoy life being worried about the many potential opportunities for evil. We know we are realistic and therefore, inquisitive, suspicious and prepared. There is a confidence attached to such a realistic approach that perhaps gives the truest essence of a full, rich life and a minute by minute appreciation for the same.
I found your blog via Google while searching for internet dating profile and your post regarding Pedophiles Dating Single Moms to get at the Children. at Sunflower Desert looks very interesting for me
I am usually a good judge of character, but I had almost the exact same experience as the woman interviewed on GMA. In fact, I made a point of watching the episode as I had only recently learned the truth about my ex-husband, and former stepdad to my daughter, who had molested her from the time she was 8 until she was 10, and who plainly (in hindsight) used the personal ads on AOL to find women with young daughters. Since the information is required, and most women would feel dishonest in leading a potential suitor to believe she was childless when she was not… there’s no point becoming involved wirh someone who’s not interested in a ready-made family if you know you are a “package deal.”
In our case, we really had to hound the police and the State’s Attorney before charges were filed, but last month he was convicted on 6 counts, and will be sentenced in August 2008.