Ironic Surrealism II

49 responses so far ↓

• 1 Velvet Hammer // Jul 17, 2007 at 11:13 pm

  20 responses so far

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  The Gray Dog // Nov 6th 2006 at 7:57 pm

  That was my second wife.
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  Olaf // Nov 26th 2006 at 5:05 am

  Hello,

  just released some new code snippets for our pagerank button:

  http://www.free-pagerank-checker.com/pagerank_button_code.php

  I hope that will help

  Olaf
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  velvethammer // Nov 26th 2006 at 5:32 am

  Thanks Olaf! I’ll check that out.
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  olederer // Dec 12th 2006 at 6:32 am

  Hi,

  I tried the new codes on my own hosted wordpress blog, but it doesn’t work there (not the dynamic versions).

  The only way is the static version with the text widget.

  Look at the moment is your PR a zero thats why I don’t have a problem with your button (all pages showing the same PR while the URL need to be different). People with a Google bar will get the idea that my button is not working properly.

  Because you have this wonderful and popular blog I will check this out for you to get an idea about what is possible for users like you.

  Olaf
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  velvethammer // Dec 13th 2006 at 9:55 am

  Olaf,
  No the new code of yours doesn’t work. I should of replied sooner to let you know. I apologize. If you come up with anything, please do let me know.

  Thanks for everything you’re a peach!
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  Flanders Fields // Jan 28th 2007 at 8:53 am

  Hi Velvet! Thanks for the visit to my site. You have a great one and keep up the good work. There is nothing sexier than a hard working American lady who knows how to expose leftism and beat it with a Velvet Hammer.
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  velvethammer // Jan 28th 2007 at 9:35 am

  Hi Flanders Fields! How nice of you to stop by. Thanks!
  Yep! I love the smell of exposing lefty liberals in the mornin’. Don’t you?
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  olederer // Feb 8th 2007 at 2:18 am

  hello,

  I updated the PR button that it’s working now with hosted WP blogs, please use this button Code:

  http://www.free-pagerank-checker.com/pagerank_button_code.php

  Olaf
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  velvethammer // Feb 10th 2007 at 8:21 pm

  Yay! Olaf it works!!!! Thank you, thank you!
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  Pfwag // Feb 18th 2007 at 3:22 pm

  Velvet,

  I ran into your site following a rabbit trial. Good stuff.

  I’m the author of the report The Dark Side of Illegal Immigration that various sections of are being posted around.

  If you are interested in detailed documentation on the carnage and massive costs we are incurring on the altar of illegal immigration, the entire text of the final 200 page report is posted at www.darksideofillegalimmigration.com along with a link to a preliminary 140 page version that contains most of the pictures and charts.

  You will note that I present the issue in a slightly different way hoping to change the dynamics of the discussion.
  *

  velvethammer // Feb 18th 2007 at 10:15 pm

  Hello Pfwag and welcome.

  Thank you for your kind words. I have checked out your report and it is the most extensive study on illegal immigration I have ever seen. Thanks for taking the time to stop by. I have linked to both it and to the home page ‘Congress and Illegal Immigration’, under ‘Immigration’ on my side bar.
  I may even do a feature on the report in the near future.
  ~VH
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  Flanders Fields // Feb 20th 2007 at 1:39 am

  Hi Velvet, I don’t have a way to contact you other than this, but I wanted to let you know of a story you may be interested in on my site dealing with the treachery of Austrian’s leaders with America. Keep up your excellent work.
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  kathy // Mar 26th 2007 at 5:57 pm

  Thanks for stopping by the new place! Congrats on the Thinker award; Debbie is right you make us all say hmmmmm.

  Have a great evening!
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  velvethammer // Mar 27th 2007 at 12:47 pm

  Thanks Kathy and your welcome! Your new place looks great.
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  blackflag // May 3rd 2007 at 11:40 am

  Velvet,
  Thanks for the link and all that. You’ve got a lot of good content here and it will take me awhile to browse around it all.

  Thanks again,
  blackflag
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  velvethammer // May 3rd 2007 at 4:49 pm

  BlackFlag,
  YW But it is I that should thank Howie for that great video! I have watched it over and over.

  I have just sent the link via e-mail to a loved one who is a Vet. He and his buddies at work will enjoy it, I’m quite sure!

  Thank you!

  Regards,
  Velvet
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  Nick // Jun 13th 2007 at 2:50 am

  I am unclear on what, precisely, you are saying.
  You said “I just expressed the TRUTH”. What truth is it that you expressed?

  What is it to have conservative analysis and opinion, politics, news and issues? Actually, what is it to be conservative, period? Is it to have the beliefs you have?

  Is it to like “American Troops, My Country, My Family, My B/F, My Friends, Democracy, Freedom of Speech, the spectacular Bleeping Computer.com and my extended Family there, & WordPress “, and to dislike “illegal immigration, code pink(o’s) cindy sheehan, media benjamin, democracy now, labor unions, indymedia, democratic underground, k.o..s, a.c.l.u., c.a.i.r., islamic terrorist jihad, liberal, leftist, socialist, communistic mind set, demoncrat [sic] politics, and dimmitude attitudes!”?

  Also, what is it to have a liberal, leftist, socialist, or communistic mind set? Are these things actually the same, or are they in fact different, according to you?

  I thank you in advance for your patient and mature reply.
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  plodon // Jun 13th 2007 at 1:55 pm

  what is it to be conservative

  what is it to have a liberal, leftist, socialist, or communistic ?

  42
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  Myrtus // Jul 2nd 2007 at 10:55 pm

  Tag! You’re IT! (:
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  velvethammer // Jul 3rd 2007 at 8:22 am

  Oh oh! lol

• 2 Ginro // Aug 18, 2007 at 12:04 pm

  Meredith Brooks? OMG! I’M IN LOVE!

• 3 Ginro // Aug 20, 2007 at 8:53 am

  She’s married with a child. Well that was a short-lived romance, lol.

• 4 Velvet Hammer // Aug 20, 2007 at 9:02 am

  lol

• 5 Bob // Sep 25, 2007 at 10:17 pm

  Velvet — Love the look of the blog since you moved to ConservaBlogs.com. I hope, one day, that my blog’s visual appearance can hold a candle to yours. Keep up the great work!

• 6 Velvet Hammer // Sep 25, 2007 at 10:28 pm

  Hi Bob

  Thanks so much. You’re to kind.

  Oh and congrats on your upcoming appearance on the ManCow show. OMG I am so thrilled for you!
  And jealous. lol

  Tell him I said hi. I think he is great! I am a huge fan!

  Break a leg.

• 7 Skunkfeathers // Sep 28, 2007 at 5:04 am

  Velvet Hammer: dropped by via BMW’s blog; unlike Nick (above), I have no problems reading or understanding your message.

  Great site I’ll be back to visit, and Keep the faith!

• 8 Velvet Hammer // Sep 28, 2007 at 6:20 am

  Hello Skunkfeathers

  Yes I remember you from Bob’s site.
  Ugh, nick. He kept trying to screw with my head. Foolish boy.

  Thank you, stop by any time.

• 9 Dinah Lord // Sep 28, 2007 at 7:44 am

  Hoooo Velvet! Kick it, girl!

  (I am rocking out in my office chair - loving the tunes…I’ll be back.)

  Cheers - Dinah

• 10 Velvet Hammer // Sep 28, 2007 at 8:25 am

  Hello Dinah
  Welcome!

  Good to know I can help you have a bit of fun while at work. lol

  I like your style! Just paid a visit to your place. That bacon flag and that drivers license text is so damn funny . Though they are based on what could be the truth if the islamists have their way. Of course we are going to prevent that from happening aren’t we? I can not live in a world that won’t allow me to enjoy a fav, BLT’S! And I rather die fighting before I EVER wear an islamic potato sack.

  Keep up the good fight Girl!

  If you would like to trade links just let me know.

• 11 Dinah Lord // Sep 29, 2007 at 7:06 am

  Hammer time! (had to come back for a little morning rock and roll)

  Those Muzzies don’t stand a chance, I’m telling you. Give me BLT’s or give me death!

  And if those Islamonutbags think I’m going to become one of those Muslim “curtain munchers” they have another damn think coming!

  Thanks for coming by Dinah Lord, Miss Velvet. Funny thing - I like your style, too! Especially this:
  “I’m a pissed off red head. Fear my wrath, or come along for the ride. Choose your side.”

  I’m with ya, Mama. Consider yourself linked.

  Cheers - Dinah

• 12 Velvet Hammer // Sep 29, 2007 at 7:23 am

  Good Morning Dinah
  Fantastic thanks! I have added you to my blogroll too.

  lol That just came to me in a flash. That is how my mind works.
  I am an odd one. Creative streak is totally spontaneous.

  Have yourself a fabulous weekend!

• 13 Abu Youranus // Nov 9, 2007 at 10:34 am

  Infidel!

  I hope you are not well. Be warned, you can gloat & be momentarily happy in your ignorance & arrogance, but your day of reckoning is inevitable.

  On that day of your judgement, you will stand biting your finger-tips as they drip with your blood & wish that you were dust.

  The Mujahideen are coming…..

  IP ADDRESS: 85.234.144.215
  UNITED KINGDOM

• 14 Velvet Hammer // Nov 9, 2007 at 11:20 am

  Abu Youranus
  Thank you for taking the time out to stop by. But don’t you have some warped islamic hobbies to engage in? Such as getting your rocks off on death prOn?

  allah is not to be my judge. I do not believe in twisted fairy tales.

  >>>Mental Health Infosource 1-800-447-4474
  >>> National Mental Health Association Hotline: 1-800-969-NMHA (6642)

• 15 Ronin // Nov 9, 2007 at 6:15 pm

  The Mujahideen are coming…..

  Always about sex with these clowns, leave your little sisters alone perv

• 16 Dinah Lord // Nov 9, 2007 at 10:49 pm

  Miss Velvet - I have taken the words of Abu Hisanus and asked world renowned death cult expert, Mullah Hanid, to review them. He has this to say to Brother Abu-

  Clearly you are not well. Be warned, you can do your goat and be momentarily sappy in your sharia and shish kabob but your day of meeting your maker is coming up, sucker.

  On that day of your judgment, you will find your butt whipped by a pissed off red head and your private parts will ache and drip blood, wishing they were infidel.

  The Pajamahideen are coming. Hide your heart, boy.

  Cheers - Dinah

• 17 Velvet Hammer // Nov 9, 2007 at 11:05 pm

  OMG I have such great friends!
  Thanks Ronin you tell em’! lol perv. lol

  And as for you Lady Dinah
  Wow. I’d hate to see what you are like when you do not hold back.
  
  {{{hugs}}}

  edit: Oh I forgot to tell y’all Abu Youranus (Abu Yunus) frequents the “ignored puzzle pieces of knowledge. The blog of inshallasheed his little friend.

• 18 Leapofaith // Nov 11, 2007 at 2:53 pm

  Abu Youranus,

  No, The US Armed Forces , Coalition , and Israeli forces are kicking the sh*t out of the mujahideen. Not to mention that all the security services know where you are and your little friends too.
  Leave Velvet Hammer alone or you might find yourself in even more jeopardy than you now are.
  See all the above advice. You are the Infidel. Don’t you feel those flames licking at your feet? It has the distinct aroma of roasting pig.

• 19 Velvet Hammer // Nov 11, 2007 at 10:38 pm

  Leapofaith
  Thank you for your support. Much appreciated.
  I haven’t been to a good pig roast in a long time.

• 20 HannahJ // Nov 16, 2007 at 5:42 pm

  Awesome blog! You are now on my blogroll.

• 21 Velvet Hammer // Nov 18, 2007 at 11:04 pm

  HannahJ

  I have returned the favor. Thanks again!

• 22 rigel // Dec 22, 2007 at 8:13 pm

  Wow you have been busy

  Just a hello to an old friend…

  Merry Christmas Scarlett!

  rigel

• 23 AngryJed // Jan 7, 2008 at 8:05 am

  Love your anger - even though I’m on the other side of the aisle. Then again I don’t try to be consistent, I try to be correct. Politically we probably disagree but I’m sure we’re pissed off at many of the same things.
  Keep on fightin’!

• 24 David // Jan 26, 2008 at 1:54 am

  Hey Velvet!

  Great blog… I found you on B4B. Is your header photo SF? I ask so I know I’m not the only conservative blogger here!

  Stay Angry,
  David

• 25 Velvet Hammer // Jan 26, 2008 at 9:06 am

  David

  Welcome! & Thanks!

  I see you have joined Blogs4Borders. Fantastic! Another voice.

  No I do not live in SanFran. The header is the default header image of Cutline, my theme. I am not sure where the photo was taken.

  I can not imagine what it must be like living in SanFran as a conservative. Nothing against the city personally but I am sure you know what I mean.

• 26 David // Jan 29, 2008 at 3:38 am

  Oh yes indeedy… I grew up here. And, to be honest, I’m not so much a “conservative” as I am an “ex-liberal.” 20 years of “San Francisco Values” will do it to you. Went from Lefty to Nader Green… and then the May 2006 marches finished what 9/11 started. It’s not easy to wake up and discover that everything you have been believing is pretty much wrong… but I think I’ve handled it pretty well!

  I’m sure if I didn’t have such deep roots in this area I would’ve been gone a long time ago. But it’s still home, y’know? It’s really hard to see how bad it’s getting… and even with my deep roots I am looking to leave the Bay Area and possibly the State. It’ll be tough… my family is 4th generation Californian. But it’s just not what it used to be.

  Anyway… thanks for the welcome and drop by my blog anytime!

  David

• 27 john // Mar 20, 2008 at 6:14 pm

  your obviously need some psychotherapy

• 28 Velvet Hammer // Mar 20, 2008 at 6:31 pm

  I need psychotherapy? LMAO! That is something coming from you. You went out of your way to come to my ‘house’ just to leave your pitiful little troll comment. Do you feel better now? What a tool!

  Dude! You have made my day. Now crawl back into the hole you slithered out of.
  Mmmkay…

  Suggested reading.

  Just when liberals thought it was safe to start identifying themselves as such, an acclaimed, veteran psychiatrist is making the case that the ideology motivating them is actually a mental disorder.

  http://www.brutallyhonest.org/brutally_honest/2008/02/leftist-lunacy.html

• 29 Dinah Lord // Mar 21, 2008 at 8:01 am

  you obviously need some psychotherapy

  Bwa-ha-ha-ha.

  Maybe we can get group rates, Miss Velvet???

  Dinah Lord’s last blog post..Yemen playboy escapes murder charge

• 30 Velvet Hammer // Mar 21, 2008 at 8:20 am

  LOL Dinah! Or maybe john the troll can participate in a group therapy session w/ Abu Youranus.
  It could be a real love fest!
  Muhahahahahaha
  Look up ; ^

• 31 Christian woman from the middle East // Apr 2, 2008 at 12:40 am

  Hello Velvet. I’ve changed my name little, so people like abu youranus can’t find me. I just love your site. I’ll be coming here more often.
  Hay abu youranusosah sosa, I’ve lived years around people like you, and guess what have I found? I found that there are no filthy people inside out as you people. How filthy is it to gather four of your wives and rape them everynight under the name of Islam. How filthy is it to put your Mosque speaker on and call us ( Christian) who live just cross street from the mosque that we are dirty people, unincent, Kofar, who will Allah (your evil god) going to throw us in hell. How filthy is it to say islam is the only faith that is accepted by Allah and all nonmuslim deserve to die even before the judgment day by you almujahedeen. I guess, instead of wasting your time to come and insult people, you better go and tell your ignorant filthy people that your Quran and criminal Mohamad have become not more than an old joke that people don’t even want to hear it anymore.

• 32 Velvet Hammer // Apr 2, 2008 at 10:08 pm

  Christian Woman

  Hello! So good to see you!

  2 thumbs up! Bravo CWFTME! Bravo! I bet that felt darn good.

  Great come back to the nasty Abu Youranus.

  Is it really like that there? Do they really call Christians dirty people?
  That makes me so mad I can not see straight!

  Thank you and come back again. You are always welcome.
  -VH

• 33 Christian woman from the middle East // Apr 3, 2008 at 12:15 am

  Christian and Jews are not more than monkeys and pigs in islam. We can’t even touch the quran ” which I’ve never cared to even look at ” because we are filthy infidels. Once before I came here a muslim guy stop me while I was walking in the street and told me: hay listen, in the judgment day God going to hold you just like holding a mouse by its tail and throw you in hell. Do you know why? it’s just because I had no hijab which means I’m Christian. If there are a good muslim it’s only because they are not following Islam teaching. I just wish that somepeople can go to Islamic shools in the United States and see what are they learning in the relgion class. Nobody can teach the real Islam without teaching hate, and violance because that is what Islam about. It’s about muslim loving ach other and killing and raping nonmuslim.

• 34 Christian woman from the middle East // Apr 3, 2008 at 12:32 am

  Hay velvet, do you have any e-mail address, so I could send you some stuff that I think you’ll love to put on your site?

• 35 Velvet Hammer // Apr 5, 2008 at 5:56 pm

  Christian woman
  I have a contact page that will send any message straight to my e-mail.
  http://conservablogs.com/velvethammer/contact-page/
  Feel free to send me what you like. And I will look it all over and decide if it will fit in.

• 36 someone with a clue // Aug 29, 2008 at 2:22 pm

  lol i love immigrants that oppose immigration, talk about ironic.

• 37 Velvet Hammer // Aug 29, 2008 at 2:51 pm

  Dear clueless,

  Being as you have such low level comprehension skills, I’ll repeat myself just for your benefit.
  This time read real slowly and try to understand.
  Mmmkay…

  Speaking out against illegal immigration.

  Clear enough for you?

  And FYI
  I am not an immigrant.
  OR an ILLEGAL immigrant.

• 38 Joseph Marshall // Sep 6, 2008 at 8:51 am

  Hello Velvet Hammer:
  I’m a liberal partisan in the middle of a comment page discussion attached to a nice Victor David Hanson article over at Pajamas Media.

  A fellow commentor whose Internet skills appear to be minimal, just led with his chin and gave me a so-just-where-is-this-transcript-of-what-Barack-Obama-said.
  You might find going over there and watching what happens next amusing. I’m perfectly certain your internet skills are up to finding it, so do drop by if you get a chance.

  I notice that PJM doesn’t appear to be on your blogroll [unless I missed it]. They should be. They should also know about you. They tout themselves as the alternative to the MSM and they were prominent among the bunch that brought down Dan Rather in 2004.

  Nobody over there has the 14 carat chutzpah to put the full text of an adversary’s speech up and deal with it, as you have done. They are “conservative intellectuals” who write pieces like Obama’s Existential Crisis [!]. They could use someone like you writing for them who can shake the moths out of their keyboards.

  I’m glad I stumbled across you, I’ve got a bookmark for you, and I’ll look in occasionally when I get the chance.

• 39 Jon // Sep 7, 2008 at 5:02 pm

  Just wanted to say keep exposing those idiot leftists for what they are!!

  Great job with the website etc.

  If we all stick together WE WILL WIN!!

  NOBAMA NOT NOW NOT EVER

• 40 jcheney // Oct 12, 2008 at 2:05 pm

  I’ve been seeing a little bit about the subject of Obama being able to pass a background security investigation for a Top Secret government clearance. I did a web search today and it was pretty shocking what has been written.

  Please do a story about this subject. I used Yahoo as my search engine, since so often, my searches on Obama don’t bring much up.

• 41 David // Oct 22, 2008 at 10:23 am

  Hi Velvet Hammer,

  You are every conservative man’s fantasy and every leftist man’s worst nightmare. Keep the hammer up!

  Cheers!
  David

• 42 andthetruthis // Oct 25, 2008 at 12:23 pm

  JOE THE PLUMBER EXPOSES THE TRUTH

  In 2008 America discovers another “Great American” named Joe the Plumber,
  When he exposes the Democrat’s savior & awakes the Silent Majority from its slumber,
  The great Obama let slip his “Share the Wealth” economic road map for the nation,
  That once elected he & the Dems would allow the “Socialism train” to leave the station,
  Now if you want Joe, not the Democrat’s Socialist party, to clean your pipes,
  Say “No” in November to the Democrats & their Savior & tell them they can flush that hype!

• 43 andthetruthis // Oct 30, 2008 at 5:48 am

  Obama’s leaky plumbing

  Barack Obama discovers a leak under his sink, so he calls Joe the Plumber to come and fix it.

  Joe drives to Obama’s house, which is located in a very nice neighborhood and where it’s clear that all the residents make more than $250,000 per year.

  Joe arrives and takes his tools into the house. Joe is led to the room that contains the leaky pipe under a sink. Joe assesses the problem and tells Obama, who is standing near the door, that it’s an easy repair that will take less than 10 minutes.

  Obama asks Joe how much it will cost.

  Joe immediately says, “$9,500.”

  “$9,500?” Obama asks, stunned. “But you said it’s an easy repair!”

  “Yes, but what I do is charge a lot more to my clients who make more than $250,000 per year so I can fix the plumbing of everybody who makes less than that for free,” explains Joe. “It’s always been my philosophy. As a matter of fact, I lobbied government to pass this philosophy as law, and it did pass earlier this year, so now all plumbers have to do business this way. It’s known as ‘Joe’s Fair Plumbing Act of 2008.’ Surprised you haven’t heard of it, senator.”

  In spite of that, Obama tells Joe there’s no way he’s paying that much for a small plumbing repair, so Joe leaves.

  Obama spends the next hour flipping through the phone book looking for another plumber, but he finds that all other plumbing businesses listed have gone out of business. Not wanting to pay Joe’s price, Obama does nothing.

  The leak under Obama’s sink goes unrepaired for the next several days.

  A week later the leak is so bad that Obama has had to put a bucket under the sink. The bucket fills up quickly and has to be emptied every hour, and there’s a risk that the room will flood, so Obama calls Joe and pleads with him to return.

  Joe goes back to Obama’s house, looks at the leaky pipe, and says “Let’s see – this will cost you about $21,000.”

  “A few days ago you told me it would cost $9,500!” Obama quickly fires back.

  Joe explains the reason for the dramatic increase. “Well, because of the ‘Joe’s Fair Plumbing Act,’ a lot of rich people are learning how to fix their own plumbing, so there are fewer of you paying for all the free plumbing I’m doing for the people who make less than $250,000. As a result, the rate I have to charge my wealthy paying customers rises every day.

  “Not only that, but for some reason the demand for plumbing work from the group of people who get it for free has skyrocketed, and there’s a long waiting list of those who need repairs. This has put a lot of my fellow plumbers out of business, and they’re not being replaced – nobody is going into the plumbing business because they know they won’t make any money. I’m hurting now too – all thanks to greedy rich people like you who won’t pay their fair share.”

  Obama tries to straighten out the plumber: “Of course you’re hurting, Joe! Don’t you get it? If all the rich people learn how to fix their own plumbing and you refuse to charge the poorer people for your services, you’ll be broke, and then what will you do?”

  Joe immediately replies, “Run for president, apparently.”

• 44 ISMATOU // Nov 6, 2008 at 7:57 am

  I want to knowe every thinks about OBAMA and his familly. I am a guinennea and Iam verry happy about your nomination to be a ruler of America. I want to know mor abou you…
  Thank you

• 45 andthetruthis // Nov 24, 2008 at 4:10 pm

  say it ain’t so Velvet Hammer!
  BHO for the next 4 years.
  is this ironic surrealism or what?

• 46 Velvet Hammer // Nov 24, 2008 at 4:23 pm

  andthetruthis

  Welcome back!
  Finally someone who get’s my blog title.

  BTW I just posted your Obama leaky plumbing comment here.
  I meant to sooner but had forgotten. Thanks!

• 47 andthetruthis // Dec 9, 2008 at 3:03 pm

  NEWS FLASH: “OBAMA FINDS NEW HOME FOR GITMO’S DETAINEES”

  Barack Obama announced today that upon closing GITMO early in his Presidency, that he would replace the recently indited Illinois governor’s staff & other Illinois Assembly co-conspirators with GITMO detainess.

  When Obama was asked by a Chicago reporter if that would endanger the people of Illinois, Obama replied; “Surely the GITMO detainess couldn’t even come close to being as corrupt as the majority of the politicians currently serving in the Illinois Assembly & Statehouse”.

  Commenting on Obama’s response, his former pastor, Rev. Wright was quoted as saying; “Lord have mercy, more of my chickens have come home to roost”!

• 48 Velvet Hammer // Dec 9, 2008 at 3:34 pm

  andthetruthis

  LMAO!

  An Arresting Development in the Land of O.

• 49 will the islamaphobe // Dec 13, 2008 at 1:36 am

  groovy song…. Damn Im getin olde…

  will the islamaphobe’s last blog post..Learning to Love Comment Moderation

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